“The root of our problems, is the inability to let go”
Just like a little baby often cling to his mama refusing to let her go, we all have that thing(s) in our life which we refuse to let go.
Letting go in this sense means releasing yourself from whatever is holding you back from enjoying the present momentum.
From grudges to bad habits, past hurts, heart breaks, old friends etc, these are a few examples of things we often refuse to let go.
Letting go can be pretty hard. And I don’t mean to scare you. But you and I know that there are somethings which seem impossible to give up. I know right?
But that doesn’t mean, it is impossible to let go of some certain things. In fact, just like an art, letting go can be learnt. Yes, I said it. It can be learnt. And no matter how many tips you read on ways to let go, know one thing – only you can make that thing holding you back go.
You and I both know the problems of letting go some certain can cause us. Stress, unhappiness, fear, lack of success etc; these are quite a few examples of the problems of not letting go. For instance, not letting go of that “first love” of yours(who dumped you) can cause you lack of success in your future relationships. In fact, it can cause unhappiness for you. Not letting go of that grudge can hamper on your performance in your career.
In reversal, letting shit go (permit the vulgarity) can bring many benefits. And some of these benefits are happiness, freedom and breakthroughs.
Now you know letting go is important, what are the things I should learn to let go? Here are some of them:
1. Learn to let go of the past. The mind can often serve as a reservoir for the memories from the past. But pondering excessively over these memories is often (if not all times) a major hindrance to our future success. Most of us refuse to let the past stay in the past. Yeah, the “good old days” can be quite nostalgic to remember. But that shouldn’t be a hindrance to your success.
Instead of always dwelling in the past, why not enjoy the momentum of the present so you can also make your present “good old times” in the future. Learn to let go of your past. Whether good or bad, never dwell so much on your past. It is toxic to success and happiness. Learn to let go.
And one of the other ways to effectively let go, is to disconnect from the past. And how do you disconnect from the past? By not dwelling too much on it.
2. Learn to let go of the future. Just like how you need to let go of the past, you also need to let go of the future. Worrying and holding on to the future excessively does more harm than good. Yes, it does. Why? Because it makes you very worrisome. And being worrisome ain’t good for you.
Okay, maybe holding on to the future most times serves as an escapism from the bad present for you. Yeah, I understand. But holding on to that imagined future of hours won’t change anything. You can change your future by changing the person you are at the present. The future is a vision. So don’t let a vision hold you back. Rather, plan towards that vision.
Let go of the future
3. Learn to let go of past hurts. Everyone of us has been hurt one time or the other in our lives. For some of us, it is physical hurt. For others, emotional hurt. For others, verbal hurt. Whatever the hurt may be, it most times leaves a scar on us. And thus, we often don’t let it go. It serves as a constant depression in our lives. Yeah, it is hard to get rid of those hurts, especially when it was inflicted on us by a “loved one” or “friend”. But sometimes, you just have to let it go. Blaming those who hurt you constantly won’t help you. And frequently reminding yourself of such hurts won’t do much either.
And how do you let it go?
- Make the decision to let it go. Accept your choice to let that hurt/pain go.
- Express your pain. You’ve got to express your pain to let it go. Venting on journals, telling a friend, confronting the offender and even telling a therapist can serve as great media to express your pain.
- Stop playing the “victim card” and blaming others.
- Focus on the present- you!
- Forgive them and forgive yourself. The English Digest once said “after burying the hatchet, don’t mark the spot”. So, after forgiveness, try to forget and let it go.
4. Learn to let go of grudges.
Many people hold grudges, deep ones, that can last a lifetime. Many are unable to let go of the anger they feel towards those who “wronged” them in the past, even though they may have a strong desire and put in a concerted effort to do so.
Often, we hold onto our grudges unwillingly, while wishing we could drop them and live freshly in the present, without the injustices of the past. The reason why grudges aren’t easy to let go of is because it comes attached to our identity. With our grudges intact we think we know who are – a person who was “wronged”. And this continues until we make the decision to let the grudges go.
The problem with grudges (besides the fact that it is shit) is that they don’t serve the purpose they are meant to serve. They don’t make us feel better or comfort us. At the end of the day, we are just some proud owner of grudges who never finds the comfort he craves.
Though difficult to let go, because to be honest, grudges are often hard to let go, you can free that grudge away from your mind. And how can you learn to let the grudges go?
- Acknowledge the problem. problem. Figure out that thing causing your grudge. You know, you can’t solve a problem until you know the root (cause)
- Share your feelings. Just like a way to let past hurts go, you can let go of grudges by sharing your feelings.
- See from the offender’s POV (Point of View). Sometimes, in order to be less angry, we just have to see through another’s eye. You never might tell, you may be wrong after all.
- Don’t wait for the other person to come around; accept the present situation.
- Don’t dwell on it.
- Forgive. Of course, forgiving doesn’t necessarily mean you will forget the issue. It’s just acknowledging your differences and accepting that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes we should learn from. Forgiving isn’t the easiest to do especially when you’ve endured a lot of hurt and pain, but it’s the only way to truly let go and have peace.
An art, that’s what letting go is. And like previously mentioned, it can be learnt. The above are just few examples of what we need to let go. Perhaps, what you need to let go isn’t mentioned. But still, you’re not exempted. Because we all have some garbage holding us back. So, dig, find that thing and let it go.
Learn the art of letting go today!!
Let that shit go!